On the 19th of June this year, I will turn 30. I wasn’t planning on making a big deal out of it, but by pure coincidence I checked how many days left before the big date, and I found out I had exactly 150 days.
The number had a revelatory aspect too powerful to ignore. I am in stage of life where I am not really satisfied of where I stand. I am simply not proud of the person I am.
I begin this 150 day challenge with heavy baggage. On a professional level I stand doubtful of whether i can compete in the environment i work in. I am clearly on the introverted side of the spectrum, which is highly unfavorable in my field. Furthermore, I have grown more and more inclined to retreat to less confrontational territories. But I also have this aching voice that tells me not to give in: «"You owe this to your family and to yourself ".
On a spiritual level, I am lost, for lack of better word. I feel consumed and overwhelmed by the material world that is slowly swallowing me. I spend days, even weeks, not thinking of why am I doing what I am doing. Why am I being good? Am i turning to bad person? Do I deserve to go to heaven?
I dont have a healthy lifestyle: i dont do any sport, I dont eat well, i don’t sleep well. I don’t have healthy breakfasts. I am always running to catch the bus to work, nervous to go through the day, wondering whether I will be able to survive another day.
I don’t like how I look or how I dress myself. I wear anything that doesn’t need ironing because i dont have the luxury of time to choose.
I am almost 50,000 EGP in debt, my car needs to be repaired or simply be replaced.
I will begin a daily blog with the ultimate goal of ending this marathon... a better man.
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